Walking In Beauty
Walking in Beauty is something Native Americans equate as being balanced in all four bodies: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.
The love of beauty was in me more than any other female trait. I was born into the world with this desire to see and create beauty.
Growing up in the 70’s with a mom who had turned from her Texas socialite roots and embraced the hippy life, there wasn’t a lot of make up and hair styling going on. And yet I was drawn to glamor and opulence, adornment and self expression. I had an obsession with fashion magazines and models. Wanting to be the images I saw blinded me to the idea that beauty can come from within as well.
I became so focused on the outside that my insides really suffered. In the work that I began as a recovering alcoholic I had to go backwards to retrieve what had been lost. I didn’t really understand that ugly behavior can start to make a pretty girl not so pretty. And that estimable acts create esteem. Humility is beautiful. Beauty can’t grow when shame and self loathing rein. I often drank heavily in the confines of my home without any one really knowing. But I knew. I started to feel paranoid. I was so afraid you knew my dirty big secret, and that if you knew you wouldn’t like me. And really all I ever wanted was to be liked, to be respected and to have admiration for my work and life. I wanted to be seen as beautiful.
Have you ever seen someone from afar, out at a bar or a social situation, and then ended up having a conversation with them and found out that they are unattractive because of their attitude? Or thought great things about an artist or musician and then heard them speak and they’re so full of themselves that they’re “ugly?”
What makes someone attractive? You hear people say “there’s just something about…” and we’ve witnessed it and know it’s not something we can buy. Yet we are still trying to bottle it and sell it to each other. I truly believe that when we discover what we are, who we are, this lifetime, we start to walk in beauty. When we gain a respect for our bodies and begin to fill them with what they need from us we will walk in beauty. I love the saying “spiritual being having a human experience” and not the other way around. When I really apply that I start to feel like I can do this thing called life, and walk in beauty.