Parentheses of the Pain Body
I had this visual the other day of a body walking the world with parentheses around it, that there were layers of energy that would end up buffering out from the body (((((((me)))))) ((((((((you)))))) … as if our parentheses could be more or less, but are created by our pain body. They are created by the story of our life and put in place by our desire to keep life and the people in it at a distance. And they can be acquired by loss, anger, resentment, envy and any one of the other “seven deadly sins.”
But they could also look like false positivity and a pretense of strength, like a big ego that is backed by fear of not being accepted.
It’s as if we have come to know that this is just how we do life. We grow up watching our parents, society, and our peers do it. So if everyone is doing it then this must be the way, right?
And then comes along a someone or a something that inspires us to let all those parentheses drop. But try and try as we might, they’re still standing between you and the thing you want to get closer to. Then what? Personally, I kept accumulating more parentheses. The stories of why I wasn’t accepted, the story of why he broke up with me, the story of being successful because “I was going to show them.”
I can remember the first time I read Eckhart Tolle and understood the pain body theory, heard the message and knew it was part of my truth. And there would be so much more to do to get to my deepest truth. Most of the time it would be pain that would inspire me to stop doing what ever I was doing to cause the pain. I would seek new information, gain some insight, feel a little better and then go back to the old behavior. Again and again, going back to revisit the old familiar pain. And then the pain would be so excruciating that I would have what I now call a break through(not a break down). And the mind bending, heart aching, soul spilling out all over would be an opportunity to shake off the parentheses, or build up some more. What to do? It is now my experience that if I want something different I have to do something different. And as much as I may have thought I couldn’t change, I did. And I continue to. And I continue to want to, because as the parentheses fall away the nakedness isn’t naked at all but is more me that I ever thought would be acceptable or lovable.